Cocktails and Crap

Moving out of the country for awhile necessitates the divestment of a fair amount of belongings. Frankly, I have been feeling oppressed by my 'belongings' for quite awhile. I just seem to accumulate stuff. For a librarian, I'm actually pretty good at getting rid of stuff, but nevertheless after a few years it does pile up. All the gifts that people have given me that I don't really need (and in some cases don't really like); all the stuff I bought because I liked it at the time, but don't care so much for anymore... but heh... it's there, so what the hell. It piles up.

I had a garage sale last weekend and I managed to sell a reasonable amount of miscellaneous 'crap', and I have carted a fair amount off to Goodwill already. Today and tomorrow I am trying a slightly different method. I sent invitations out to about 50 friends inviting them to stop by after work for a cocktail, with the one condition that they must take something with them when they leave. Tonight seven friends came by; five of whom I haven't seen in at least a year, so it was great to see them and have a chance to chat. Each one took a bit of something from my living room / shopping room.

It's a win win situation - I get to visit with friends AND I get rid of some 'crap'.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow's cocktail party.

Building creative thinking and self esteem through art

I'm leaving for Nicaragua in August with the intention to work with a community development organization there; specifically to help them with a new program they have which combines art and community development. They recently opened an art gallery, which they hope to turn into a successful business. However they also hope to use the space and the program to promote art and culture in the community. For example, they are currently running an after-school art program for local kids.

Tonight I attended a social get-together sponsored by a local NGO here in Toronto to introduce a representative from a Nicaraguan organization that works with children to support their development using art and education. "Children in rural Nicaragua , like all children, require creative outlets and opportunities to develop their creativity, express themselves and develop self-esteem." (see: http://www.pueblito.org/programs/nicaragua/index.html)

I am reminded of an observation that a friend of mine made about working with children in Guatemala:

"[When they tried to] have the kids draw a jungle animal for a jungle theme along the wall, the kids couldn't come up with ideas as to how to draw any....When we did little english classes the kids were only comfortable copying exactly what my friend would write down on our little chalk board- improvising and coming up with their own answers just didn't happen. When we did storytelling in the classrooms there (my friend M did the reading!) they were in chaotic, cinderblock classrooms completely devoid of art, colour, pictures that you see in classrooms here. The kids fought over the books we brought with us (endearing a sentiment if not a little violent at times when they would hit each other over the head with the books to get at them!) All the more reinforced the importance of arts and creativity in children's lives."

Perhaps our little gallery in San Juan will be able to make a difference in some children's lives.

Escape from 'Relationship Purgatory"

Why does it sometimes take too long to do what we know is best for us? Why do smokers keep smoking? alcoholics keep drinking? gamblers keep gambling? Why do people in dissatisfying relationships stay in them?

Somewhere I picked up this description of addiction:

The addictive system always presents itself in a panic situation. Beguiled by cynicism it makes promises that it can not deliver. It enslaves as it consumes what life still exists to the desperate victim. It does not matter how unreal, how ugly or how demanding the substitute is, it is better than no substitute to the overwhelmed and insecure self.

I probably spent too long in the relationship I called the purgatory relationship. See previous post: Relationship Purgatory. Dragging out the inevitable mostly just made the pain last longer... of course there were good days and good times (after all, it wasn't a BAD relationship - he was/is a great man - but it just wasn't going where I needed/wanted it to go)... but the difference between purgatory and hell is a razor's edge.

For one prone to the seduction of the addictive system, making the break from the things we love that aren't good for us seems one of the biggest challenges in life. I think the key is in learning to nurture our 'overwhelmed and insecure' selves, thereby building inner strength. With our 'selves' intact it becomes a bit easier to live without the addiction we have used to substitute for what we really need; or if we are really lucky we actually find we no longer need that substitute at all.

I miss that man... but I don't need that relationship. One addiction down... at least one to go.

New Look

I've gotten tired of all that 'green'! Plus... this blog is going to take a bit of a turn I think, as my life takes a bit of a turn... so it's time for a new look!

Maybe I should get a new hairstyle too!

LOL

Paper, paper and more paper

Leaving Canada for an indefinite period of time provides a wonderful opportunity to seriously weed out of my life all the unnecessary STUFF that one accumulates. I am not what one would normally call a pack-rat. For one thing, I have lived in this house for almost 7 years and that is the longest I have lived anywhere since leaving my childhood home at the age of 17. This somewhat nomadic life has necessarily meant that I have not accumulated an enormous amount of things. However, I am as guilty as the next person of collecting STUFF. I will not divest myself of everything... I will store some furniture and other necessities; as there is as good a chance that I will return to Canada within a year or two as not. At least for now, I can't commit to a total break with life here.

So, my days are filled with creating piles:

1. sell or give away
2. store
3. recycle
4. throw away

I have already filled about 5 large garbage bags with paper for the recycling bin! It is unbelievable the amount of paper that can pile up in one's life. As a friend of mine once remarked about life...."one thing THEY don't tell you about is the filing"... well... I have filed FAR too much is my life and now am embracing the infamous 'File 13'.

Geographic Depression?

I have been battling depression for most of my life.... it is a fact and one that I am no longer angry about. We all have our little burdens to bear and for whatever emotional, chemical or genetic reason I have been burdened and blessed with a fragile psyche. In the main I have learned strategies for coping with my affliction, and it has been quite a while since I have visited the really really dark place that depression can take you to. I still visit the grey places fairly often and expect I always will.

From January to May of this year I lived in a small beach town in Nicaragua (San Juan del Sur), surrounded by odd and interesting people and very blessed with a new and caring companion. This combination proved very good for my affliction and happiness came easy.

I am back in Toronto now and it is good to visit my friends and spend time with my daughter again. However, I find it much harder here and I am again visiting the grey places far more often. Today, I found myself wondering... is it possible that this PLACE makes me depressed?

I had always loved living in Toronto.... but I can't do it anymore. My airline ticket is purchased. I return to Nicaragua in August.

It might help if the f***ing sun would shine! LOL