Saturday, January 27, 2007

Male Sleaziness

Sorry guys.... this is going to be a bit of a male-bashing post. It's not that I dislike you guys in general.... it's just that too often individual men just make such a bad showing of it, that it gets us all down.

I watched the film, "The Constant Gardiner" last night. I really enjoyed it. A typical LaCarre thrilling ride, a lovely love story and heart-rending political message. I recommend it highly.

There is a scene in the film when our heroine, who has been let down by a man that she trusted and has declared love for her, asks him for a favour. Granted, it is a big favour that could put the gentleman at question at risk. He does not want to give it to her. She (for better or worse), offers that if he does this favour, she will sleep with him. It should be noted that she is married to one of his closest friends and colleagues, does not love him, and probably will not follow through on this deal. He too, is of course, married. What does this sleaze-ball do? He accepts her proposition.

Is there nothing a man will not do to fuck a woman he is infatuated with? Does he never put friendship, loyalty, or respect above the desires of his cock? It never ceases to amaze me.

Not too long ago, a woman close to me told me the following story: She (let's call her Mary)and her husband of more than a decade had recently divorced, and she was celebrating by visiting friends in another city. She spent one night at the home of very good friends. Let's call the couple Jenn and Ian. Jenn and Ian had been friends with Mary and her ex-husband for many many years. Mary considered Ian to be a very good friend of hers. After a lovely evening together, Mary slept well in their guest bedroom. She awoke long after Jenn had left for work the following morning. She got up and made herself some coffee, and Ian (who had a very flexible schedule) joined her for coffee in the living room. A fine and comfortable morning routine shared by two old friends. What could be more assuring?

Ian interrupts this lovely scene to point blank tell Mary: "I'm really attracted to you and would love to eat your pussy!"

I am NOT making this up. This is what this man says to his old, old friend. Can you imagine anything more sleazy? Mary was shocked, I was shocked, and no doubt if Jenn knew of the behaviour of her well-loved husband she too, would be shocked. Note too: this was MORNING.... they had not been drinking... he had no excuse for his abominable behaviour. AND he had previously never truly shown his sleazy side.

Ian is a regular guy in his forties. He holds a good job. He has been married long enough to have grown children. He appears to be well informed and normally well behaved.... but he would throw away his friendship, the respect that Mary had for him, possibly his marriage.... to make this bizarre and sleazy pass at a woman that he considered a friend. What the hell is going on inside the minds of men?

When I was a teenager I had a very good male friend. He dated one of my best friends. One night I was driving him home and he asked if we could stop and talk. So I stopped the vehicle in a quiet spot.... we often confided in each other.... Well.... turns out on this particular night what my good friend wanted more than anything was to coerce me into some sexual acts. I was hurt, and shocked and said no. He responded by taking the keys of my vehicle and refusing to give them to me unless I agreed. It was getting late and I was worried I would be late getting home. He begged. I refused. He took the keys and started to walk away from the vehicle.... leaving me abandoned. To tell you the truth, I don't remember how that evening resolved..... I know I didn't have sex with him.... but it may be that I let him do something I would rather not have done - some sort of minor touching.

You would think that the friendship would have been irrevicably harmed, wouldn't you? Surprising, even to myself, is that it did not take much or long for me to forgive him. It turns out that from a very young age.... girls learn that boys/men 'will' behave badly.... that is just the way it. So, we learn to either forgive, or hate. What choice do we have?

If I were to ask any woman I know, they could tell me of at least one occasion (and probably many many more) when a man they respected, possibly considered a friend, made an improper proposal to them. It has happened to all of us. And men wonder why women have a hard time respecting them? My god guys.... yes, we understand that sex is important and a major drive.... but have you no discretion? If you must 'fuck for recreation' ..... please..... stop choosing your friends and the wives of your friends.

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