Saturday, July 14, 2007

Invading another's space

I once visited the home of a lover. It was the first time I had actually spent an extended period of time in his space. It was shocking how difficult it appeared to be for him.

In all the years I had known him, I had never known him to be particularly irritable or defensive. However, I suddenly found myself in silly tiny conversational conflicts when I didn't agree one hundred percent with minor opinions he expressed. I found myself on more than one occasion backpedaling on my somewhat contradictory opinion, to assure him that I did not disagree with him.

One evening I mentioned that I was looking forward to visiting his region again soon, and he over-reacted something awful. Suddenly I was putting him in 'a difficult position'.

He put words in my mouth, suggesting that I had just told him I was planning on spending an entire season with him. I assured him I was doing no such thing, and certainly had no such intentions, not even of visiting again, not without an invitation. He moaned that he could not give me what I wanted or needed. This was a message that he routinely delivered to me. I assured him that I would not expect anything from him.

We went out one evening. I met many people, and even flirted with some of the men. Usually he did not mind this; and spent a fair amount of his time flirting / talking with other women. It was a game we had played before. Suddenly he disappeared. It turns out that he had left the party without a word to me. I was in an unknown city; somewhat under the influence of more than a few glasses of wine; and left alone. Well.... I am a grown up and I can manage.... but still.... I was a tad shocked. I would expect any friend to at least check and see if I had cab fare to get home before just up and leaving.

When I arrived back at his place a few hours later, I asked why he had done such a thing. He claimed I was too busy with other (men) for him to get to, to tell me he was leaving. I said that that seemed like a weak excuse, and that I didn't think it bothered him if I was talking (flirting) with other guys. He asked me why I would think he didn't care. Was he being jealous??!!??

By the time I returned home from that visit I was more confused than ever. He told me he didn't see any future for our relationship since we lived so far apart. Yet, he held me more than warmly upon saying goodbye, kissed me with what felt like feeling, and said he would call.

Was the relationship over? Had he managed to communicate his real feelings? What are his real feelings?

Do people ever become capable of expressing consistently and honestly what they feel?

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