Why does it sometimes take too long to do what we know is best for us? Why do smokers keep smoking? alcoholics keep drinking? gamblers keep gambling? Why do people in dissatisfying relationships stay in them?
Somewhere I picked up this description of addiction:
The addictive system always presents itself in a panic situation. Beguiled by cynicism it makes promises that it can not deliver. It enslaves as it consumes what life still exists to the desperate victim. It does not matter how unreal, how ugly or how demanding the substitute is, it is better than no substitute to the overwhelmed and insecure self.
I probably spent too long in the relationship I called the purgatory relationship. See previous post: Relationship Purgatory. Dragging out the inevitable mostly just made the pain last longer... of course there were good days and good times (after all, it wasn't a BAD relationship - he was/is a great man - but it just wasn't going where I needed/wanted it to go)... but the difference between purgatory and hell is a razor's edge.
For one prone to the seduction of the addictive system, making the break from the things we love that aren't good for us seems one of the biggest challenges in life. I think the key is in learning to nurture our 'overwhelmed and insecure' selves, thereby building inner strength. With our 'selves' intact it becomes a bit easier to live without the addiction we have used to substitute for what we really need; or if we are really lucky we actually find we no longer need that substitute at all.
I miss that man... but I don't need that relationship. One addiction down... at least one to go.
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1 comment:
So much of what you said in this post helped me move closer to clarifying what's been going on with me. Well said. Glad I stumbled on it.
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