One of the things that my last marriage, my last husband, did was damage my already fragile trust in men. Worse than that though, is that it/he damaged my trust in myself; I question my ability to make good choices in men. And now, when I find myself getting close to a man; having feelings for him it appears that at times the slightest thing may throw me into a state of doubt. “Will he turn out to be as harmful as the last one?”
Walking with a boyfriend, I suddenly think I detect a sense of disgust or judgment in him, and immediately I flash to that personality that harmed me so. “Is he the same?” I ask myself. “Will he turn out to be as negative and harmful to me?” “Is everything good that I have seen in him so far, just a temporary state - just a show of seduction?”
My fear is great; but it is my fear and I must tread carefully not to confuse my fear with the reality of this person who so far has done me no harm and shown me only respect and caring.
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This blog began in 2006 as a chronicle of life... with a lot of focus on relationships, plus various meanderings on pretty much anything. Today... it tends to focus more on my life as an expatriate living in a small beach town in Nicaragua.
It remains a chronicle of a journey, an adventure, a life. A life in progress.
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