The only way I can get myself to go to the gym is to make an appointment with a personal trainer. Even then there are times when I find myself calling him to say.... "I just can't make it!" I'm essentially a lazy person. Anyway.... my trainer and I have such a good time... the hour flies by. This is the second trainer I have had... and they have both had such fantastic senses of humour that it's just a fun time.
My current trainer, K, is this cute 30 something gay guy constantly on the prowl for long term love / relationship, and settling for lots that come his way in the meantime. We have a lot in common. :) So - between bench presses, push ups, reverse crunches, and other forms of 21st century torture (have you ever seen those machines?) we compare notes on lovers and adventures of all kinds.
The gym we usually meet at is very low key and quiet. We are sometimes the only ones there. The other day, though, we met at the other branch of the gym. This one is more glass and steel, uptown, and comparatively very busy. Not really my scene. However, I did note that if I went to the gym to meet guys I would be better off going to the uptown branch. K agreed, "It can be a bit of a meat market" he said.
"Really?" I asked, feigning more interest than I actually have.
K laughed and joked that he could see me arriving in some hot lingerie rather than the standard tights and t-shirt.
I told him that at 47 years old, I didn't think I truly looked my flirting best at the gym. I favour darker places, that serve alchohol . I reckon I will have more luck if my subjects are a bit blurry-eyed.
Maybe it's time to invest in some of those lulu lemon clothes, and pull out the heavy duty makeup before going to the gym!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Economies of conflict
I'm watching Anderson Cooper on television. I'd never heard of Anderson Cooper until a few weeks ago. I was at the library, waiting for my daughter, and perusing the "New Books - Short term loan" section. Anderson Cooper's book (with the unfortunate title of "Dispatches from the edge" [i'm not kidding] ) captured my attention. I have no idea why... maybe cause I think he is good looking and his picture is on the cover. In any case, I read the book.
Now, although I usually abhore CNN, I occasionally tune in to his television show.
So - one of the stories is on the 'war on drugs" - Columbia, cocaine, etc. etc. It has taken a back seat lately to the war in Iraq / the 'war on terrorism'. Next, there is a story that puts forth Hugo Chavez as a very serious threat to U. S. security; followed by a story about the perils of poor security at airports. And I wonder.....
When was the last time the US wan't 'at war' with someone? or something? Why is our culture / economy based on conflict?
Now, although I usually abhore CNN, I occasionally tune in to his television show.
So - one of the stories is on the 'war on drugs" - Columbia, cocaine, etc. etc. It has taken a back seat lately to the war in Iraq / the 'war on terrorism'. Next, there is a story that puts forth Hugo Chavez as a very serious threat to U. S. security; followed by a story about the perils of poor security at airports. And I wonder.....
When was the last time the US wan't 'at war' with someone? or something? Why is our culture / economy based on conflict?
Friday, March 09, 2007
International Women's Day = K Free Day!
I am now officially a single woman again!!!!
Four years ago next month, I called the police very late one night because my then-husband (K) had attempted to kill me; and I was scared and didn't know what else to do. His perspective is that he wasn't trying to kill me.... but I felt that my life was at risk.
He promised to make the divorce as long and as expensive as possible. He did more than that - he also filed a civil claim for damages against me. He claimed that I assaulted him and then called the police and made a false claim and he suffered financially and emotionally and I should be made to pay. As part of the divorce settlement he has signed a document dropping that claim. It has been a long and expensive process - but as of yesterday (International Women's Day) I am officially divorced.
For anyone who might still question what went on that horrible night.... here is an excerpt from the claim he filed against me:
"Following the second assault on his person by [me] (assault described as a 'violent and painful slap to his face without warning'), the Plaintiff gently restrained his aggressor, placed her on the bed and advised her in a matter-of-fact manner that he could break her neck if he wanted to. [Me] began screaming loudly in an effort to embarrass the Plaintiff and draw attention to herself. Accordingly, the Plaintiff placed a pillow over her mouth to prevent her screaming as it was quite late at night."
Obviously, in his mind, this was completely acceptable behaviour. The fact that I could not breath was just a side effect I guess.
One of the darkest chapters of my life is now over. And spring is on the way. What could be better?
Have a great weekend!!!
Four years ago next month, I called the police very late one night because my then-husband (K) had attempted to kill me; and I was scared and didn't know what else to do. His perspective is that he wasn't trying to kill me.... but I felt that my life was at risk.
He promised to make the divorce as long and as expensive as possible. He did more than that - he also filed a civil claim for damages against me. He claimed that I assaulted him and then called the police and made a false claim and he suffered financially and emotionally and I should be made to pay. As part of the divorce settlement he has signed a document dropping that claim. It has been a long and expensive process - but as of yesterday (International Women's Day) I am officially divorced.
For anyone who might still question what went on that horrible night.... here is an excerpt from the claim he filed against me:
"Following the second assault on his person by [me] (assault described as a 'violent and painful slap to his face without warning'), the Plaintiff gently restrained his aggressor, placed her on the bed and advised her in a matter-of-fact manner that he could break her neck if he wanted to. [Me] began screaming loudly in an effort to embarrass the Plaintiff and draw attention to herself. Accordingly, the Plaintiff placed a pillow over her mouth to prevent her screaming as it was quite late at night."
Obviously, in his mind, this was completely acceptable behaviour. The fact that I could not breath was just a side effect I guess.
One of the darkest chapters of my life is now over. And spring is on the way. What could be better?
Have a great weekend!!!
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Happy Birthday
Every year on my birthday, I make a point of gathering my closest friends together. It helps me feel loved. It is my annual, very necessary, ego pick-me-up.
I just watched scenes from the film, "Bridget Jones Diary". The scene that gets me (probably gets most of us) is when the Mark Darcy character, played by Colin Firth, tells Renee Zellwigger's Bridget that he likes her 'just the way she is'. Well... my god.... doesn't that make all of our female (and many of our male) hearts skip a beat!
And then, shortly afterward, Bridget is making dinner for her three closest friends. Mark shows up and tries to help her salvage what is one fantastic culinary disaster. At the dinner table, surrounded by blue soup, and inedible marmalade dessert... again Bridget is toasted and loved, "just as she is!"
My god.... can any of us ask for anything more than that?
I will continue to invite my closest and dearest to help me celebrate my birthday each year. I, like most of us I suspect, need to be told as often as possible that we are loved... just the way we are.
I just watched scenes from the film, "Bridget Jones Diary". The scene that gets me (probably gets most of us) is when the Mark Darcy character, played by Colin Firth, tells Renee Zellwigger's Bridget that he likes her 'just the way she is'. Well... my god.... doesn't that make all of our female (and many of our male) hearts skip a beat!
And then, shortly afterward, Bridget is making dinner for her three closest friends. Mark shows up and tries to help her salvage what is one fantastic culinary disaster. At the dinner table, surrounded by blue soup, and inedible marmalade dessert... again Bridget is toasted and loved, "just as she is!"
My god.... can any of us ask for anything more than that?
I will continue to invite my closest and dearest to help me celebrate my birthday each year. I, like most of us I suspect, need to be told as often as possible that we are loved... just the way we are.
Friday, February 23, 2007
People are in pain
People are hurting.
Everywhere I look, people are hurting.
And they try so desperately to soothe their own pain. They feel worthless and powerless and they will do anything to make that feeling go away. Too often, we believe that if we can impress others, we will prove our own worth - to them and to ourselves. People will lie, steal, cheat, and otherwise hurt others in atttempts to impress others.
We believe that if we impress others, we prove our worth. We will soothe the pain inside.
There is a certain kind of agressiveness that happens everyday in this attempt to soothe the pain. I was watching a scene from the sacharine film "Pay it Forward" the other day. An incarcerated street punk claims that he is the one who invented the whole idea. He wants the reporter to believe that he is this smart; this giving; this thoughtful; this worthy. He wants to believe it himself.
The partner or boss who belittles and abuses others - he wants them to believe he has power - he wants to believe he has power. He wants to soothe the powerlessness within.
It seems more common in men.
It breaks my heart.
Everywhere I look, people are hurting.
And they try so desperately to soothe their own pain. They feel worthless and powerless and they will do anything to make that feeling go away. Too often, we believe that if we can impress others, we will prove our own worth - to them and to ourselves. People will lie, steal, cheat, and otherwise hurt others in atttempts to impress others.
We believe that if we impress others, we prove our worth. We will soothe the pain inside.
There is a certain kind of agressiveness that happens everyday in this attempt to soothe the pain. I was watching a scene from the sacharine film "Pay it Forward" the other day. An incarcerated street punk claims that he is the one who invented the whole idea. He wants the reporter to believe that he is this smart; this giving; this thoughtful; this worthy. He wants to believe it himself.
The partner or boss who belittles and abuses others - he wants them to believe he has power - he wants to believe he has power. He wants to soothe the powerlessness within.
It seems more common in men.
It breaks my heart.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Classic V-day Bitterness
On my ideal Valentines day one or more of the following would happen:
1.) a huge and beautiful bouquet of flowers will be delivered to my door, sent by the object of my desire.... roses, would be ok.... lilies would be better.... calla lillies and red roses together might prove unbelievable and irresistable.
2.) the object of my desire, whom I have been unable to see for awhile, would show up unexpectedly at my door.... fortunately I would have for some unknown reason just finished grooming and dressing as if I had a hot date, and look so good his heart would melt on the spot.
3.) diamonds are good too.
Do you think I may have been just a 'little' influenced by marketing campaigns?
Guess what? None of the above happened today. For that matter none of the above has ever happened to me. I did get a happy V day email though.
I'm going to celebrate "disapointment in love" tonight with a girlfriend by burning all existing pictures of the last horrible excuse for a husband I had. Or at least pretend and drink a lot of wine!
stickgirl comic courtesy of: http://stickgal.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Foodie Foolishness
One of my closest friends is a 'foodie'.... meaning that she makes her living in the food/cooking business. In her work, she comes into contact with some of Toronto's most famous 'foodies'. What a lot of nonsense! (Make no mistake... I am not making fun of my friend's work... I respect her business a lot and she would be amoung the first to admit that the whole 'food' world is full of pretense and silliness, not to mention back-biting).
Anyway.... last Saturday four of us were to go out for dinner, and three out of four of us were interested in going to a steakhouse. We debated back and forth the pros and cons of going to an established chain whose name has three letters, or to one of the many 'fine dining' steak houses in town. Now, I don't eat beef.... so I really didn't have too much opinion one way or the other. While I am extremely suspicous of the abilities of any chain kitchen to produce anything but mediocre quasi-intstitutional food.... I am not a steak connoisseur. Besides, I tend to be far more interested in the companionship, conversation, and red wine than I'll ever be about the food. Suffice to say ... the proponents of the 3-letter chain restaurant won the little-debated debate.
One of the deciding arguments presented in this non-debate was that a number of 'foodies' had recently remarked that they believed that for your money the 3-letter chain steakhouse was better than said small steakhouse with the grand reputation.
HUH!!!! Shows what they know!
While I did contemplate the fish special at about $30.00; I decided that the chance that what I received I would feel was worth $30.00 was too steep a risk for me. I chose the combo side of 3 vegetables and a side of rice pillaf for a total of about $13.00. I figured if I chose something pretty hard to really fuck up, and the price was not too outrageous I wouldn't do too bad.
Well.... one of us had one 'overcooked' lobster tail for about $18.00; one of us had steak for about $30.00 they felt tasted 'old', one of us had prime rib that was "pretty good" for about $30.00. And of course, I had vegetables.
Well.... you be the judge.... was this good value for money?
Besides, for the first half of the evening the music was too loud and horrible and the waiter didn't offer to hang our coats.
On the plus side, we picked a pretty good bottle of $40 something California Merlot and the company was terrific!!!!
Anyway.... last Saturday four of us were to go out for dinner, and three out of four of us were interested in going to a steakhouse. We debated back and forth the pros and cons of going to an established chain whose name has three letters, or to one of the many 'fine dining' steak houses in town. Now, I don't eat beef.... so I really didn't have too much opinion one way or the other. While I am extremely suspicous of the abilities of any chain kitchen to produce anything but mediocre quasi-intstitutional food.... I am not a steak connoisseur. Besides, I tend to be far more interested in the companionship, conversation, and red wine than I'll ever be about the food. Suffice to say ... the proponents of the 3-letter chain restaurant won the little-debated debate.
One of the deciding arguments presented in this non-debate was that a number of 'foodies' had recently remarked that they believed that for your money the 3-letter chain steakhouse was better than said small steakhouse with the grand reputation.
HUH!!!! Shows what they know!
While I did contemplate the fish special at about $30.00; I decided that the chance that what I received I would feel was worth $30.00 was too steep a risk for me. I chose the combo side of 3 vegetables and a side of rice pillaf for a total of about $13.00. I figured if I chose something pretty hard to really fuck up, and the price was not too outrageous I wouldn't do too bad.
Well.... one of us had one 'overcooked' lobster tail for about $18.00; one of us had steak for about $30.00 they felt tasted 'old', one of us had prime rib that was "pretty good" for about $30.00. And of course, I had vegetables.
Well.... you be the judge.... was this good value for money?
Besides, for the first half of the evening the music was too loud and horrible and the waiter didn't offer to hang our coats.
On the plus side, we picked a pretty good bottle of $40 something California Merlot and the company was terrific!!!!
Thursday, February 08, 2007
A wandering mind
The hardest thing I've had to learn, and the most important, is that not everyone sees the world the way I see it; or thinks the way I do; or experiences the world the way I do, or expects the same things as I do. I am not always sure if I behave consistently with this lesson - but I do try.
I am more than reasonably irritated when others behave in ways that suggest they expect that others DO see, think, experience and expect the same way that they do. Judgement is extraordinarily annoying. I hate it when I catch myself behaving judgementally.
But it really seems to me that this incongruency lies at the heart of most conflicts that people experience, be they big or small. Of course, there is that one little problem that we all do have our limits... and there will always be those whose limits one cannot accept.
I just finished reading "We have to talk about Kevin", a captivating and disturbing novel that explores the process of one mother coming to terms with being the mother of a mass murder-er. Like most of us I would find it very difficult to not be judgemental of a mass-murderer's way of 'being' in the world.
Watching CSI last night, and one character says to another about a murderer: "How does one cross that line?" and the other character responds: "I don't think they cross the line. I think they were born on the other side of it."
Nature vs nurture.... the enduring question.
From judgemental behaviour to the enduring question - a wandering mind at work.
I am more than reasonably irritated when others behave in ways that suggest they expect that others DO see, think, experience and expect the same way that they do. Judgement is extraordinarily annoying. I hate it when I catch myself behaving judgementally.
But it really seems to me that this incongruency lies at the heart of most conflicts that people experience, be they big or small. Of course, there is that one little problem that we all do have our limits... and there will always be those whose limits one cannot accept.
I just finished reading "We have to talk about Kevin", a captivating and disturbing novel that explores the process of one mother coming to terms with being the mother of a mass murder-er. Like most of us I would find it very difficult to not be judgemental of a mass-murderer's way of 'being' in the world.
Watching CSI last night, and one character says to another about a murderer: "How does one cross that line?" and the other character responds: "I don't think they cross the line. I think they were born on the other side of it."
Nature vs nurture.... the enduring question.
From judgemental behaviour to the enduring question - a wandering mind at work.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Midwinter in Toronto
A very routine 'diary' like posting:
Saturday last was the "John Doe" annual birthday party. It's an old fashioned 70s style party- live music, tons of people, tons of intoxicants etc. I went with two friends. One of my friends new the host because way back when she had been married to a friend of the host. The two men had known one another when they were both living at Roshdale, which was this infamous 'free' college at the UofT in the 60s. Hope that gives you a picture of the type of party it is. It was fun. I got my ego stroked. Got hit on by lots of men. None of them the least bit tempting.... but still..... a girl can always enjoy soaking up some appreciation now and again. LOL.
V (my guy who has moved away) and I continue to be in very regular contact.... almost everyday there is either a telephone conversation or an email, or both. He still doesn't have a personal computer, so no access to Skype or MSN right now. I like to romantically think that perhaps he misses me more than he thought he would..... but that may just be me practising wishful thinking.
One of my best friends and I have embarked on a weekend adventure this winter. We have been trying to master the art of baking cream puffs and/or cream cornets/cones. We've tried 2 different recipes thus far. (We were too hungover after the big birthday party last weekend to try recipe 3) The first one was the biggest disaster I think I have ever experienced in over 30 years of baking. Inedible. Last week's were quite edible, but still there was a lot of room for improvement. We aim to try recipe 3 on the weekend, unless we get lazy and decide to wimp out and just bake pies!
Saturday last was the "John Doe" annual birthday party. It's an old fashioned 70s style party- live music, tons of people, tons of intoxicants etc. I went with two friends. One of my friends new the host because way back when she had been married to a friend of the host. The two men had known one another when they were both living at Roshdale, which was this infamous 'free' college at the UofT in the 60s. Hope that gives you a picture of the type of party it is. It was fun. I got my ego stroked. Got hit on by lots of men. None of them the least bit tempting.... but still..... a girl can always enjoy soaking up some appreciation now and again. LOL.
V (my guy who has moved away) and I continue to be in very regular contact.... almost everyday there is either a telephone conversation or an email, or both. He still doesn't have a personal computer, so no access to Skype or MSN right now. I like to romantically think that perhaps he misses me more than he thought he would..... but that may just be me practising wishful thinking.
One of my best friends and I have embarked on a weekend adventure this winter. We have been trying to master the art of baking cream puffs and/or cream cornets/cones. We've tried 2 different recipes thus far. (We were too hungover after the big birthday party last weekend to try recipe 3) The first one was the biggest disaster I think I have ever experienced in over 30 years of baking. Inedible. Last week's were quite edible, but still there was a lot of room for improvement. We aim to try recipe 3 on the weekend, unless we get lazy and decide to wimp out and just bake pies!
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Male Sleaziness
Sorry guys.... this is going to be a bit of a male-bashing post. It's not that I dislike you guys in general.... it's just that too often individual men just make such a bad showing of it, that it gets us all down.
I watched the film, "The Constant Gardiner" last night. I really enjoyed it. A typical LaCarre thrilling ride, a lovely love story and heart-rending political message. I recommend it highly.
There is a scene in the film when our heroine, who has been let down by a man that she trusted and has declared love for her, asks him for a favour. Granted, it is a big favour that could put the gentleman at question at risk. He does not want to give it to her. She (for better or worse), offers that if he does this favour, she will sleep with him. It should be noted that she is married to one of his closest friends and colleagues, does not love him, and probably will not follow through on this deal. He too, is of course, married. What does this sleaze-ball do? He accepts her proposition.
Is there nothing a man will not do to fuck a woman he is infatuated with? Does he never put friendship, loyalty, or respect above the desires of his cock? It never ceases to amaze me.
Not too long ago, a woman close to me told me the following story: She (let's call her Mary)and her husband of more than a decade had recently divorced, and she was celebrating by visiting friends in another city. She spent one night at the home of very good friends. Let's call the couple Jenn and Ian. Jenn and Ian had been friends with Mary and her ex-husband for many many years. Mary considered Ian to be a very good friend of hers. After a lovely evening together, Mary slept well in their guest bedroom. She awoke long after Jenn had left for work the following morning. She got up and made herself some coffee, and Ian (who had a very flexible schedule) joined her for coffee in the living room. A fine and comfortable morning routine shared by two old friends. What could be more assuring?
Ian interrupts this lovely scene to point blank tell Mary: "I'm really attracted to you and would love to eat your pussy!"
I am NOT making this up. This is what this man says to his old, old friend. Can you imagine anything more sleazy? Mary was shocked, I was shocked, and no doubt if Jenn knew of the behaviour of her well-loved husband she too, would be shocked. Note too: this was MORNING.... they had not been drinking... he had no excuse for his abominable behaviour. AND he had previously never truly shown his sleazy side.
Ian is a regular guy in his forties. He holds a good job. He has been married long enough to have grown children. He appears to be well informed and normally well behaved.... but he would throw away his friendship, the respect that Mary had for him, possibly his marriage.... to make this bizarre and sleazy pass at a woman that he considered a friend. What the hell is going on inside the minds of men?
When I was a teenager I had a very good male friend. He dated one of my best friends. One night I was driving him home and he asked if we could stop and talk. So I stopped the vehicle in a quiet spot.... we often confided in each other.... Well.... turns out on this particular night what my good friend wanted more than anything was to coerce me into some sexual acts. I was hurt, and shocked and said no. He responded by taking the keys of my vehicle and refusing to give them to me unless I agreed. It was getting late and I was worried I would be late getting home. He begged. I refused. He took the keys and started to walk away from the vehicle.... leaving me abandoned. To tell you the truth, I don't remember how that evening resolved..... I know I didn't have sex with him.... but it may be that I let him do something I would rather not have done - some sort of minor touching.
You would think that the friendship would have been irrevicably harmed, wouldn't you? Surprising, even to myself, is that it did not take much or long for me to forgive him. It turns out that from a very young age.... girls learn that boys/men 'will' behave badly.... that is just the way it. So, we learn to either forgive, or hate. What choice do we have?
If I were to ask any woman I know, they could tell me of at least one occasion (and probably many many more) when a man they respected, possibly considered a friend, made an improper proposal to them. It has happened to all of us. And men wonder why women have a hard time respecting them? My god guys.... yes, we understand that sex is important and a major drive.... but have you no discretion? If you must 'fuck for recreation' ..... please..... stop choosing your friends and the wives of your friends.
I watched the film, "The Constant Gardiner" last night. I really enjoyed it. A typical LaCarre thrilling ride, a lovely love story and heart-rending political message. I recommend it highly.
There is a scene in the film when our heroine, who has been let down by a man that she trusted and has declared love for her, asks him for a favour. Granted, it is a big favour that could put the gentleman at question at risk. He does not want to give it to her. She (for better or worse), offers that if he does this favour, she will sleep with him. It should be noted that she is married to one of his closest friends and colleagues, does not love him, and probably will not follow through on this deal. He too, is of course, married. What does this sleaze-ball do? He accepts her proposition.
Is there nothing a man will not do to fuck a woman he is infatuated with? Does he never put friendship, loyalty, or respect above the desires of his cock? It never ceases to amaze me.
Not too long ago, a woman close to me told me the following story: She (let's call her Mary)and her husband of more than a decade had recently divorced, and she was celebrating by visiting friends in another city. She spent one night at the home of very good friends. Let's call the couple Jenn and Ian. Jenn and Ian had been friends with Mary and her ex-husband for many many years. Mary considered Ian to be a very good friend of hers. After a lovely evening together, Mary slept well in their guest bedroom. She awoke long after Jenn had left for work the following morning. She got up and made herself some coffee, and Ian (who had a very flexible schedule) joined her for coffee in the living room. A fine and comfortable morning routine shared by two old friends. What could be more assuring?
Ian interrupts this lovely scene to point blank tell Mary: "I'm really attracted to you and would love to eat your pussy!"
I am NOT making this up. This is what this man says to his old, old friend. Can you imagine anything more sleazy? Mary was shocked, I was shocked, and no doubt if Jenn knew of the behaviour of her well-loved husband she too, would be shocked. Note too: this was MORNING.... they had not been drinking... he had no excuse for his abominable behaviour. AND he had previously never truly shown his sleazy side.
Ian is a regular guy in his forties. He holds a good job. He has been married long enough to have grown children. He appears to be well informed and normally well behaved.... but he would throw away his friendship, the respect that Mary had for him, possibly his marriage.... to make this bizarre and sleazy pass at a woman that he considered a friend. What the hell is going on inside the minds of men?
When I was a teenager I had a very good male friend. He dated one of my best friends. One night I was driving him home and he asked if we could stop and talk. So I stopped the vehicle in a quiet spot.... we often confided in each other.... Well.... turns out on this particular night what my good friend wanted more than anything was to coerce me into some sexual acts. I was hurt, and shocked and said no. He responded by taking the keys of my vehicle and refusing to give them to me unless I agreed. It was getting late and I was worried I would be late getting home. He begged. I refused. He took the keys and started to walk away from the vehicle.... leaving me abandoned. To tell you the truth, I don't remember how that evening resolved..... I know I didn't have sex with him.... but it may be that I let him do something I would rather not have done - some sort of minor touching.
You would think that the friendship would have been irrevicably harmed, wouldn't you? Surprising, even to myself, is that it did not take much or long for me to forgive him. It turns out that from a very young age.... girls learn that boys/men 'will' behave badly.... that is just the way it. So, we learn to either forgive, or hate. What choice do we have?
If I were to ask any woman I know, they could tell me of at least one occasion (and probably many many more) when a man they respected, possibly considered a friend, made an improper proposal to them. It has happened to all of us. And men wonder why women have a hard time respecting them? My god guys.... yes, we understand that sex is important and a major drive.... but have you no discretion? If you must 'fuck for recreation' ..... please..... stop choosing your friends and the wives of your friends.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Happy New Year
As usual I spent New Year's Eve with some family and close girl-friends. It was, as always, a hoot!
One of us, who has never been married, was bemoaning the fact that she didn't have a special someone, AGAIN!
One of us, who is still recovering / celebrating the end of a marraige, was happily rating all the men in sight on a scale from one to ten.
One of us was valiently trying not to be too sad about the fact that her favourite guy is moving half way across the world.
And one of us laughed a lot and declared that her New Year's resolutions were to "take it up the ass more and have a threesome".
Then.... we all laughed... a lot!
It's good to have goals in life.
One of us, who has never been married, was bemoaning the fact that she didn't have a special someone, AGAIN!
One of us, who is still recovering / celebrating the end of a marraige, was happily rating all the men in sight on a scale from one to ten.
One of us was valiently trying not to be too sad about the fact that her favourite guy is moving half way across the world.
And one of us laughed a lot and declared that her New Year's resolutions were to "take it up the ass more and have a threesome".
Then.... we all laughed... a lot!
It's good to have goals in life.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Young ones
I met the cutest young one tonight.
Generally I'm not too interested in young ones. But this one is an articulate genius reader/writer. Seriously.... wow.... what a soft spot for me. The artists. The cute young artists.... hmmmm.
I met him at a local pub. Just out walking the dog and stopped in for a pint. We yacked about social networking; computers - are they good or bad; gaming; the beat writers; Henry Miller and Anais Nin; crazy behviours of pre-teen girls; his parents marraige; my professional environment. All in less than an hour!
He manages a great local bookstore/music store - mostly used stuff - but not exclusively. The store has a great reputation and has been a staple in the neighborhood for a long time.
[long time = more than 10 years. I think there was a time and a place where neighborhood 'institutions' were much older than 10 years. What does that say?]
I think I may drop in the bookstore a bit more often. I don't want an affair with this young one.... but there is always room in my life for an articulate genius reader/writer.
Generally I'm not too interested in young ones. But this one is an articulate genius reader/writer. Seriously.... wow.... what a soft spot for me. The artists. The cute young artists.... hmmmm.
I met him at a local pub. Just out walking the dog and stopped in for a pint. We yacked about social networking; computers - are they good or bad; gaming; the beat writers; Henry Miller and Anais Nin; crazy behviours of pre-teen girls; his parents marraige; my professional environment. All in less than an hour!
He manages a great local bookstore/music store - mostly used stuff - but not exclusively. The store has a great reputation and has been a staple in the neighborhood for a long time.
[long time = more than 10 years. I think there was a time and a place where neighborhood 'institutions' were much older than 10 years. What does that say?]
I think I may drop in the bookstore a bit more often. I don't want an affair with this young one.... but there is always room in my life for an articulate genius reader/writer.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Parting.... is not that sweet.... but there is sorrow
My number one guy and I had a fight this weekend. We rarely have fights. It's one of the reasons he is my number one guy. But he is moving away. Far away. It was a job he couldn't turn down over a job that is burning him out. I understand the decision.
I want to spend as much time together as possible before he moves. He, in a way, has already left and does not feel compelled to spend more time together... but perhaps even less. Thus.... the fight.
I interpret this as "Well, if I was important to you then you would find it hard to leave me and want to spend as much time as possible with me while you still could. Ergo... I must not be very important to you". He just says he looks at it differently and thinks maybe it is better that we don't see too much of one another, since he is moving away and it is unlikely we will be able to continue having a relationship.
While I agree that large distance is a major hurdle to a relationship.... I am not ready to give up the possibility just yet. Apparently he is. I conclude (perhaps incorrectly) that he is using the move as an excuse to separate from me without taking personal responsibility for the relationship ending. He doesn't have to end the relationship... it will end itself because of distance.
Every guy I get involved with always seems so different from the others at first. This one is wonderful for so many reasons....but ultimately there is something common with all of them... they are unavailable. Their love is unavailable.
Which brings me to a most perplexing question.... do I chose unavailable men because when push comes to shove I am unavailable?
We have resolved the fight, but nothing changes. We will see each other a few more times before he leaves. I will cry a lot. He will move. Then it will be next year and we'll just have to see what happens then.
Where are those millionaires again? LOL
I want to spend as much time together as possible before he moves. He, in a way, has already left and does not feel compelled to spend more time together... but perhaps even less. Thus.... the fight.
I interpret this as "Well, if I was important to you then you would find it hard to leave me and want to spend as much time as possible with me while you still could. Ergo... I must not be very important to you". He just says he looks at it differently and thinks maybe it is better that we don't see too much of one another, since he is moving away and it is unlikely we will be able to continue having a relationship.
While I agree that large distance is a major hurdle to a relationship.... I am not ready to give up the possibility just yet. Apparently he is. I conclude (perhaps incorrectly) that he is using the move as an excuse to separate from me without taking personal responsibility for the relationship ending. He doesn't have to end the relationship... it will end itself because of distance.
Every guy I get involved with always seems so different from the others at first. This one is wonderful for so many reasons....but ultimately there is something common with all of them... they are unavailable. Their love is unavailable.
Which brings me to a most perplexing question.... do I chose unavailable men because when push comes to shove I am unavailable?
We have resolved the fight, but nothing changes. We will see each other a few more times before he leaves. I will cry a lot. He will move. Then it will be next year and we'll just have to see what happens then.
Where are those millionaires again? LOL
Friday, November 17, 2006
Bring on the Millionaires
A new dating service is being launched in Toronto today. The Millionaires Club. I'm not joking.
Apparently it has been operating successfully in the U.S. for awhile. The idea (so they say) is to assist busy eligible rich men to find 'quality' (read: exceptionally beautifula and intelligent) women versus the flighty golddiggers they generally run in to.
While the website seems to indicate that 'quality' also means 'young'... I think I may see if there are any millionaires out there interested in a moderatly beautiful, quite intelligent, 'mature' woman (that would be me!)
I know many people will poo poo this latest adventure.... but heh .... what do I have to lose? At the best I will meet the perfect man who also has money! I know chances are slim cause it's probably an oxymoron: my perfect man and a rich man, but at the worst I will spend some time filling out a form and never hear from them again. Somewhere in the middle I 'may' get to have a few really great dinners, meet a completely different kind of person than I usually meet, and have fodder for the blog!
Stay tuned for adventures in millionaire land!
Apparently it has been operating successfully in the U.S. for awhile. The idea (so they say) is to assist busy eligible rich men to find 'quality' (read: exceptionally beautifula and intelligent) women versus the flighty golddiggers they generally run in to.
While the website seems to indicate that 'quality' also means 'young'... I think I may see if there are any millionaires out there interested in a moderatly beautiful, quite intelligent, 'mature' woman (that would be me!)
I know many people will poo poo this latest adventure.... but heh .... what do I have to lose? At the best I will meet the perfect man who also has money! I know chances are slim cause it's probably an oxymoron: my perfect man and a rich man, but at the worst I will spend some time filling out a form and never hear from them again. Somewhere in the middle I 'may' get to have a few really great dinners, meet a completely different kind of person than I usually meet, and have fodder for the blog!
Stay tuned for adventures in millionaire land!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
a girl's catch 22
Even at my mature age, I find there are times when I become insecure about a man's interest in me: are they 'just' interested in sex? or do they appreciate alll my other wonderful qualities? Men don't seem to worry too much about such silly insecurities. It's a girl thing.... a catch 22 .... we are supposed to be good at sex to attract and keep men.... but we are also supposed to be modest about it and 'pretend' not to be.... and if we are desired only for sex... then we are being used and disrespected.....
Why does society like to fuck up something as good as fucking?
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I celebrated my 47th birthday last Friday with a wonderful dinner with 15 of my closest friends, followed by a foray to a local nightclub. The next day I saw some girlfriends and someone asked me if I had gotten 'laid' on my birthday. I said "Yes. Of course. It was my birthday!" :-)
One of my friends looked surprised ,as she had been at the dinner, and asked: "Who? Who?" I smiled and said - "don't you think it's enough that you know I got laid.... I think I'll keep the 'who' to myself." Of course, it's also possible I was making the whole thing up, isn't it. ;-)
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When men attempt bold gestures, generally it's considered romantic. When women do it, it's often considered desperate or psychotic. (Carrie from 'Sex and the City')
Why does society like to fuck up something as good as fucking?
-------------------------
I celebrated my 47th birthday last Friday with a wonderful dinner with 15 of my closest friends, followed by a foray to a local nightclub. The next day I saw some girlfriends and someone asked me if I had gotten 'laid' on my birthday. I said "Yes. Of course. It was my birthday!" :-)
One of my friends looked surprised ,as she had been at the dinner, and asked: "Who? Who?" I smiled and said - "don't you think it's enough that you know I got laid.... I think I'll keep the 'who' to myself." Of course, it's also possible I was making the whole thing up, isn't it. ;-)
---------------------
When men attempt bold gestures, generally it's considered romantic. When women do it, it's often considered desperate or psychotic. (Carrie from 'Sex and the City')
Sunday, October 29, 2006
The Breathalizer Phone
Communications Technology and Dating
I grew up about a hundred years ago and more than 2000 miles away from this cosmopolitan city I now live in. I received my first date invitation when I was 13 years old, via a telephone call. Normal enough. EXCEPT ... I lived in a rural area and we still had party lines. For those of you born way after me and in a more populated area: a party line is a telephone line that is shared by multiple households. Inevitably there are always some people who find it entertaining to 'rubber-neck' (where, I wonder, did that term come from?) on other people's conversations.
The morning after I accepted the invitation to my very first date, I boarded my school bus only to face teasing and cat calls regarding my up-coming date. Everyone in the neighborhood knew the details of my fledgling romance. Needless to say I was relatively mortified.
My father bought me my first telephone answering machine when I was in my mid twenties. It revolutionized my dating habits. Not at first... but like most people I eventually learned that if I was fearful of talking to someone I could let the machine take their call. Even more importantly, if I wanted to communicate with someone but was fearful of actually speaking to them, I could approximate a good time to call when I would be likely to get the machine and leave my message then. Suddenly, a lot of 'date' related phone calls were getting made in the middle of the day!
While this sounds awfully wimpy - I must note I certainly was not the only one making use of this technique!
For the next decade or more I was in relationship(s) and not paying a lot of attention to changes in dating rituals. Bring on the Internet generation and I'm again participating in the dating game. While the telephone is obviously still being used, it is perhaps less prevalent than other communications technologies. Now, I often meet people online, communicate with them through email and instant messaging and use text messaging on my cell phone as an alternative communications method.
Oh.... the choices! Now, if I (or one of my paramours) wants to communicate we have a variety of methods to choose from. Depending on the message, the distance, the time of day (or night), the status of the relationship.... etc. etc.... which communications method is appropriate and/or comfortable?
I have sent flirtatious or funny text messages to a friend's phone when I knew they were likely to be in the middle of a stressful work day. I have manipulated my online status to control who I will talk to online - I can appear to not be online and only show that I am online when the person(s) I am hoping will contact me come online. I can set my status to 'busy' with the hope that the object of my affection will get curious as to what I am doing / who I am talking to and make contact. I can chose to send an email to say thanks for a good time; or a text message; or a phone call. I can have phone sex with my boyfriends or we can have 'virtual sex' - which is basically the same as phone sex - only in written form using instant messaging. I can engage in writing erotic or flirtatious ficticious stories with my boyfriends by sending emails back and forth with each of us adding a scene to the story.
I have friends and colleagues who decry the reduction of face to face communications that people engage in - they are suspicious and critical and fear that by avoiding communicating in person we are reducing our ability to engage in community with others. I see their point.
Personally, I like written communications. I always have. I was a letter writer as a child and young adult and I took to the email generation even before the world wide web was a reality. For a variety of reasons there are things that are easier to say in written form than in verbal form. I have sometimes grown closer to people through correspondence. I embrace the variety of communications .... but have never really been a telephone person.... I blame it on that first date experience.
My friend, R, invented the Breathalizer Phone. (Of course it only exists in our imaginations so far). A telephone that will not operate if you are drunk, because of course, we have all come to consiousness on a Sunday morning with the vague memory of phoning a boyfriend or ex boyfriend and making complete asses of ourselves. Remember the Friend's episode where Rachel calls Ross for 'closure'? No? well.... you likely get the picture anyway.
"Don't Drink and Dial" is as much a part of our parlance as "Don't Drink and Drive". And now we have to add: Don't Drink and Text! Sheesh...
For more on dating communications etiquette see:
http://sexonmydesk.ivillage.com/love/2006/08/the_new_rules_of_technology_in.html
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Truth? or Kindness? You? or Him?
It has come to my attention that one of the things readers like to focus on when they read my blog is: WHO is she talking about?
I may be referring to someone particular. I may be making the character up from various aspects of real people I have known. I may be referring to someone I once knew.
But what is more important, for me anyway, is that I hope that I am talking about thoughts and issues that are not common to just 'my' life.
So.... when I write about a man I don't want to see again and whether the best course of action is to tell him why.... or let him down easy.... the question is not WHO am I talking about.... the question is: is it best to tell the truth or be 'kind'? Which is actually kinder?
If it were YOU I was talking about, what would YOU want? It 'could' be you, you know. Or maybe not. Probably not.
I may be referring to someone particular. I may be making the character up from various aspects of real people I have known. I may be referring to someone I once knew.
But what is more important, for me anyway, is that I hope that I am talking about thoughts and issues that are not common to just 'my' life.
So.... when I write about a man I don't want to see again and whether the best course of action is to tell him why.... or let him down easy.... the question is not WHO am I talking about.... the question is: is it best to tell the truth or be 'kind'? Which is actually kinder?
If it were YOU I was talking about, what would YOU want? It 'could' be you, you know. Or maybe not. Probably not.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Motivation
I've been wanting to get a posting finished for days now. I feel bad for neglecting my blog. I am working on a few pieces - but none are ready for posting. I've been low on motivation.
Tonight I attended a dinner party with very old friends - family really. Topics raised in my blog were referenced during the party. One friend complimented the blog - saying they thought there was 'good stuff' there (or something like that).
My dog.... you actually do read this stuff! It was good to know. I feel more motivated now. Thanks.
More to come.
(ps. use the comments feature now and again, ok?)
Tonight I attended a dinner party with very old friends - family really. Topics raised in my blog were referenced during the party. One friend complimented the blog - saying they thought there was 'good stuff' there (or something like that).
My dog.... you actually do read this stuff! It was good to know. I feel more motivated now. Thanks.
More to come.
(ps. use the comments feature now and again, ok?)
Thursday, October 12, 2006
To take advantage of
advantage
· superiority or ascendancy (often fol. by over or of): His height gave him an advantage over his opponent
take advantage of
· Put to good use; avail oneself of; also, profit selfishly by, exploit. For example, They really take advantage of her good nature, getting her to do all the disagreeable chores. [Late 1300s]
· to impose upon, esp. unfairly, as by exploiting a weakness: to take advantage of someone.
· To profit selfishly by; exploit: took advantage of the customer
The Dream
As I left the cafeteria I offered him a ride: “I’m going west, I can drop you off at a subway if you like.” He accepted the ride. (It should perhaps be noted that ‘he’ was a popular television character known for womanizing.)
He asked if we could stop briefly so he could pick up something to eat, to which I complied even though I was afraid I would be late for my mother’s birthday dinner.
He went in to the restaurant to place his order and began to flirt with the women in the restaurant. The next thing I know, I am left with his food and his bill, while he disappears into the mountains with 2 (or more) women. While I wait, people begin thinking that my car is a bus and they get on it and wonder why I’m not leaving.
“This is not a bus!” I say. They do not want to believe me and seem to think that if they simply stay in their seats I will take them where they want to go.
“This is not a bus!” I scream. With great hautiness they disembark. I hear murmurs of “you don’t have to be such a bitch about it.”
Finally he comes out of the mountains and gets in the car. There are now 6 of us in the car, and it appears that he is driving. I don’t know where we are, or where we are going. I am worried again about being late for my mother’s birthday dinner. One of the women in the car is giving directions to him.
“I’m not driving” he says to her. “She is.” Indicating me.
At which point I realize that indeed I AM driving and somehow it has been assumed that I am taking each one of them to their own homes.
“Wait!” I say…. “I can’t take you all home. That wasn’t the deal. I said I could drop you at a subway. I’m going to be late for my mother’s dinner.”
They are all greatly disappointed and begin to argue with me. I am getting quite angry and am aware that because of that I am not paying appropriate attention to my driving.
“NO!” I am yelling at them – “I can’t do this. I didn’t say I would.”
Suddenly there is a group of children in the road. I swerve to miss them but unfortunately I hear the sickening crunch of the car striking one of the children.
I immediately break. My passengers yell, “Don’t stop. We need to get home. Don’t stop.”
I stop the car and get out and run to see. After I have struck the little girl, another car has hit her and she is now stuck under that car. She is dressed in a pink snowsuit and she is screaming and in great pain. Someone is holding her and yelling “Call 911” and someone else is trying to lift the car off of her.
I chastise myself for not already calling 911, and for leaving my phone in the car. The little girl screams again. There is blood. I hear my voice in agony say “Oh my god!” which awakens me.
I am shaken by this dream and lay awake wondering at it’s meaning.
The overwhelming message that comes to me is:
“It always ends badly when you let others take advantage of you.”
· superiority or ascendancy (often fol. by over or of): His height gave him an advantage over his opponent
take advantage of
· Put to good use; avail oneself of; also, profit selfishly by, exploit. For example, They really take advantage of her good nature, getting her to do all the disagreeable chores. [Late 1300s]
· to impose upon, esp. unfairly, as by exploiting a weakness: to take advantage of someone.
· To profit selfishly by; exploit: took advantage of the customer
The Dream
As I left the cafeteria I offered him a ride: “I’m going west, I can drop you off at a subway if you like.” He accepted the ride. (It should perhaps be noted that ‘he’ was a popular television character known for womanizing.)
He asked if we could stop briefly so he could pick up something to eat, to which I complied even though I was afraid I would be late for my mother’s birthday dinner.
He went in to the restaurant to place his order and began to flirt with the women in the restaurant. The next thing I know, I am left with his food and his bill, while he disappears into the mountains with 2 (or more) women. While I wait, people begin thinking that my car is a bus and they get on it and wonder why I’m not leaving.
“This is not a bus!” I say. They do not want to believe me and seem to think that if they simply stay in their seats I will take them where they want to go.
“This is not a bus!” I scream. With great hautiness they disembark. I hear murmurs of “you don’t have to be such a bitch about it.”
Finally he comes out of the mountains and gets in the car. There are now 6 of us in the car, and it appears that he is driving. I don’t know where we are, or where we are going. I am worried again about being late for my mother’s birthday dinner. One of the women in the car is giving directions to him.
“I’m not driving” he says to her. “She is.” Indicating me.
At which point I realize that indeed I AM driving and somehow it has been assumed that I am taking each one of them to their own homes.
“Wait!” I say…. “I can’t take you all home. That wasn’t the deal. I said I could drop you at a subway. I’m going to be late for my mother’s dinner.”
They are all greatly disappointed and begin to argue with me. I am getting quite angry and am aware that because of that I am not paying appropriate attention to my driving.
“NO!” I am yelling at them – “I can’t do this. I didn’t say I would.”
Suddenly there is a group of children in the road. I swerve to miss them but unfortunately I hear the sickening crunch of the car striking one of the children.
I immediately break. My passengers yell, “Don’t stop. We need to get home. Don’t stop.”
I stop the car and get out and run to see. After I have struck the little girl, another car has hit her and she is now stuck under that car. She is dressed in a pink snowsuit and she is screaming and in great pain. Someone is holding her and yelling “Call 911” and someone else is trying to lift the car off of her.
I chastise myself for not already calling 911, and for leaving my phone in the car. The little girl screams again. There is blood. I hear my voice in agony say “Oh my god!” which awakens me.
I am shaken by this dream and lay awake wondering at it’s meaning.
The overwhelming message that comes to me is:
“It always ends badly when you let others take advantage of you.”
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Perfume
Advertising is a constant source of entertainment and bewilderment. I'm one of those people who reads without thinking. I read every billboard; every elevator posting; ever traffic sign I pass. (well ... maybe not EVERY - but you get my meaning). I read the weirdest headlines sometimes. For example, take this one:
What does your perfume say about you?
Perfume only says one thing about you: you want to attract others to you and/or leave others with a positive impression of yourself.
Of course I suppose if you chose a bad one it could also say you have bad taste - but that (like anything else the aroma may say to others is in thier eye (or nose in this case) and says nothing about the wearer and more about the smeller.
We wear perfume, should we wear it, to attract others to us or to help leave others with a positive impression of ourselves.
What does your perfume say about you?
Perfume only says one thing about you: you want to attract others to you and/or leave others with a positive impression of yourself.
Of course I suppose if you chose a bad one it could also say you have bad taste - but that (like anything else the aroma may say to others is in thier eye (or nose in this case) and says nothing about the wearer and more about the smeller.
We wear perfume, should we wear it, to attract others to us or to help leave others with a positive impression of ourselves.
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